Coney Island- no monkeys.

So today I went to Coney Island for the first time since last summer! The car ride was great- I got to sit in the front, and Mom's friends all got smashed in the back. Someone even got stuck riding in the way back of the wagon- and it wasn't me! I got to sit on a nice leather jacketed lap. Ha ha! Quito got stuck behind me! Take that, sucker!


Rumor had it that a troop of wild monkeys were supposed to be running all over the boardwalk- instead, we found the Hungry March Band. Close, but no cigar.






After I said hi to Sam and the band, I met a dreamy bulldog- but after one sniff, he got a fresh! Who on earth spanks a total stranger in public the first time you meet them?






Next thing I knew, my mother and her friends were dragging me over to 12th street to see if they could see any of the aforementioned primates. They found some old crusty organ grinders, but there wasn't an ape in sight. As they searched, I suddenly smelled the oddest smell- a combination of rabbit droppings, subway piss, and Bud Light...



It was an approaching drunk in a bunny suit.
Before anyone could do anything to rescue me, the overgrown rodent picked me up and started to squeeze me. He whispered bad things in my ear (see my expression?! disgruntled, to say the least!)


















He sat down at a piano that wasn't even his and began to shout showtunes at me.













Someone finally ripped me out of the rank arms of the vermin and carried back to the safety of the Skeeball arcade. Skeeball is great- I'm a big fan.





After the arcade, Quito and I got to go on some stupid pony rides, which we both hated. The ponies weren't real- they were made out of metal! They smelled like tin cans! What fun is that?
We both sulked a little, but as you can tell, I was the better sport. Quito just stuck his legs straight out and said, "Fuck you, Dad." Then his mom Beka picked his up, and he apologized instantly to Jason.










Since those "pony rides" sucked balls, the humans decided they'd take us on a real ride- one that goes a quarter mile up into the air and slowly rotates, so you can see the view of the dirty Brooklyn ocean. Hmmm, how pretty. Here they are right before the big idea.





It was called the Astrotower, and it was so high I couldn't see the top. Then again, my legs are only about seven inches long.






Did you know that dogs ride for free on Coney Island rides? Yup! It was fantastic! The man working the ride didn't make Jason pay, either- guess he must of thought he was a dog, too!







Right before we got on, we caught sight of half of the Hungry March Band, and they decided to bring their instruments on the ride with me and Quito. The serenade was OK- I was glad only half the brass band went up. I would have preferred some more bitches and less trombones.











By the 3:00 p.m, everyone was exhausted. We headed back to the boardwalk and laid in the sun. What a beautiful Sunday, except for the drunk rabbit and metal horses!